


I Got Soul, But I'm Not A Soldier

by lilacpages



Series: Military AU [1]
Category: 5 Seconds of Summer (Band)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Military, Angst, Established Relationship, Fluff, M/M, but it's happy too, it's pretty much a timeline of their life, it's sad i'm warning you, minor smut, there's a very very short sex scene, they have a kid later on too, with a lot of feelings
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-01-02
Updated: 2016-01-02
Packaged: 2018-05-11 03:17:27
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,564
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5611918
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/lilacpages/pseuds/lilacpages
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Michael had known it wouldn't last. He had known that eventually the simplicity would end and the reality of the whole situation would set in, ripping him away from his fantasy of an easy life. </p>
<p>And it did, the first time Calum was deployed.</p>
<p>
  <em>Or, Calum enlists in the army and Michael holds on as best he can<em></em></em>
</p>
            </blockquote>





	I Got Soul, But I'm Not A Soldier

**Author's Note:**

  * For [dafeedil](https://archiveofourown.org/users/dafeedil/gifts).



> Aright so this was inspired by Calum's new haircut because he looks like a soldier and I needed a fic immediately
> 
> Once again, this is dedicated to Angie because she's an enabler and wouldn't stop sending me headcanons about military malum and I couldn't help myself (seriously, this was supposed to be like 300 words max)
> 
> I didn't do an extensive amount of research for this, so I apologize for any inaccuracies (which there definitely are)
> 
> Also, I wrote this in a different style than I normally do so hopefully it's still good
> 
> Title is from the song All These Things That I've Done by The Killers (which doesn't really have anything to do with the fic except for that one line, but I was listening to it while I wrote this)

Michael and Calum had been mere high school seniors, but they were already more hopelessly in love than some people twice their age. Graduation had been approaching and while Michael had no real idea of what he wanted to do with his life, Calum already had everything planned out for himself. Michael didn’t understand why Calum had chosen such a thing when he had dropped the pamphlet into his lap, but when he had seen the unbridled eagerness and hope behind Calum’s irises, the confusion had been instantly cleared. Michael noticed the way Calum’s face would light up as he rambled on about serving his country, the subtle way he would sit up straighter and puff out his chest at the slightest mention of the army and he knew that this was truly what Calum wanted, that he was sure about it. And so even though Michael had pictured a future in which neither of their lives would ever be in danger, he had swallowed his fear and nodded at Calum, vowing to always support him no matter what, because Michael couldn’t picture a future without Calum in it either. 

The next week, Michael had leaned against the doorframe of Calum’s tiny childhood bathroom and watched as his boyfriend’s luscious curls, the ones he loved to grip and run his fingers through, fell to the floor as Calum took a razor to his head. The younger boy had refused all of Michael’s offers to help and when he was done, he had swivelled around in his chair quickly and peered up at Michael with a pleading in his eyes for reassurance, and Michael had just smiled at him and patted his head, causing a huge grin to spread across Calum’s face as he swatted at Michael’s hand.

It had been easy at first. Calum would come home, exhausted from training, but when they laid in bed together at night, his eyes would practically sparkle as he told Michael every little aspect of his day. Michael listened silently every time and rubbed soothing hands over Calum’s aching muscles, pressing a little kiss to his shoulder once he was done. 

Michael remembers the gasp he let out when he had seen Calum in his uniform for the first time, how Calum had put his head down and taken his bottom lip in between his teeth in an effort to hide the overjoyed smile tugging at his lips, making his eyes crinkle the way Michael loved. 

They made plans to buy a house together, something small and cozy (and affordable, since both of them had only barely set foot in the real world). A place for them to officially start their lives together. Calum was ecstatic about it all, while Michael was just happy to see his boy happy.

But Michael had known it wouldn’t last. He had known that eventually the simplicity would end and the reality of the whole situation would set in, ripping him away from his fantasy of an easy life. 

And it did, the first time Calum was deployed.

They had stood at the airport, holding each other’s faces as their eyes took in every last detail of the other, engraving it into their memories for the solitary nights to come.

Michael had reached into his pocket then and pulled out a silver locket, looping the chain around Calum’s neck. Calum’s fingers had fumbled with the tiny clasp for a second before he opened the locket. Inside was a picture of the two of them, taken just a few weeks after they had first met. They were sitting outside on Calum’s front porch, arms wrapped around each other happily as they posed for the picture, except Michael was smiling at Calum instead of at the camera, his eyes crinkling with pure fondness. On the opposite side were the words “Michael and Calum” engraved in tiny cursive font. Calum gave a little chuckle at the picture, blinking rapidly in an attempt to hide the tears that had sprung to his eyes. 

“I want this locket back. You come back to me, alright,” Michael had whispered to him.

The younger boy gripped the back of Michael’s neck then, pressing their foreheads together and nodding at his words.

“Always.”

And when Michael had arrived home later that day and immediately proceeded to throw up in the toilet, hands shaking as he climbed into bed alone and pulled the covers over his head, he had decided that Calum didn’t need to know about it.

***

From the start, Michael had known it would be hard. He knew that there would be months without seeing each other, but he hadn’t anticipated that the silence would be broken only by two-minute phone calls every once in a while in which they barely had time to breathe out “I love you” before they were inevitably forced to hang up. He had known that he would miss Calum terribly, but he hadn’t anticipated just how lonely the nights would be when he was curled up into a ball on the couch, tears falling as he cried out for Calum, the only comfort coming from his own arms wrapped around himself. 

Michael hadn’t anticipated any of this, but he adjusted. He became used to living on his own, to doing every chore and dealing with every bill that came in the mail. He quickly learned not to check the morning news, unable to handle all the stress and anxiety at such an early hour of the day. He became used to the kind strangers whose smiles faltered when he told them what his boyfriend did for a living. He was used to them offering words of gratitude and encouragement while their eyes were bursting with silent apologies and warnings of heartbreak. 

But Michael also never anticipated the profound joy he would feel when Calum came back to him for the very first time. It amazed him how strongly he had been brought to tears as Calum pressed their foreheads together again and placed the locket back into Michael’s palm, curling his fingers over it as the older boy’s hands stopped shaking.

“I brought it back, just like you told me to,” Calum had smiled softly.

And once they had both come down from the incredible high of their reunion, Michael had begun to worry for just a second that some part of their relationship would be weird after so many months without each other, but those worries were almost immediately put out later that night. 

Michael had never felt more loved than when the cool metal of Calum’s dog tags (which he hadn’t bothered to remove in their haste to get their hands on each other again) dragged delicately along the bumps of his spine as Calum rocked his hips into him. He had never felt more safe than when Calum wrapped one bulging bicep around his middle as his other hand tangled in his hair to pull him up against his chest, biting softly at his neck before dragging his lips up to his ear to whisper sweet nothings to him in the dead of night. Michael hadn’t known that the constant worrying and stress that ate away at him when Calum was gone would all become background noise when the younger boy fell next to him on the bed and immediately reached out for Michael, pulling him into his warmth and pressing the softest of kisses into his hair. None of the struggles mattered anymore when Michael was finally able to fall asleep once again to the calming sounds of Calum’s breathing and the rhythm of his heart. 

And then came the shock of having to pack everything up and move to another city, to another base, all on a whim one day after hanging up the phone. And although the two of them would now have to abandon the tiny home they had made for themselves and start over, Michael was just thankful that his time with Calum didn’t have to end yet. His annoyance had been eased when Calum pressed chaste little kisses to his lips each time they passed each other while moving boxes out of their house.

But then just as the two of them had begun resettling into their new lives, Michael had gotten the second call of his life that had stopped his heart. He remembers how after he had hung up the phone, his eyes had immediately landed on a framed picture of him and Calum, one he had only put out that very morning. 

So once again, Michael had sent his boy off with the locket and the same command as last time.

“I want this locket back. You come back to me, alright.”

And once again, Calum had gripped the back of Michael’s neck and pressed their foreheads together, responding with the same singular word. 

“Always.”

***

The second time was admittedly easier, Michael at least somewhat knowing what to expect, though not at all by much. The uneasiness still occupied his entire body while Calum was away, and he still lay awake at night for hours staring at the ceiling blankly, but his confidence in Calum and even in himself had grown. 

Michael learned to visit family more often. He found that the company of his loved ones put a temporary hold on his anxiety and stress. He found himself able to laugh truly and to let his mind wander in peace, his mother never shooting him confused or concerned looks when he wore his struggles on his sleeve.

And so it was at it was at his parent’s house where he experienced one of the best moments of his life, surrounded by his friends and family as they celebrated his birthday together. 

It had happened just after his laughter had died down and the smile had faded from his face, after he had opened the last of his presents and the bittersweet thought that Calum wasn’t there to enjoy it all with him for the first time ever, had nudged itself back into his brain after tugging at his heart all day long. 

But when his mother had announced that there was one final gift and handed him a small box with the label, “To Michael, From Calum,” the thought was pushed from his mind and replaced with confusion and curiosity instead.

He had only been vaguely aware of the rustling and quiet chuckles of the guests around him as he tore the paper and opened the box, his entire body freezing when he laid eyes on the gift. His fingers hovered in the air for what felt like hours before he gingerly pulled a silver locket out of the box, the gears of his mind turning furiously. 

He had snapped his head up and was met with the sight of his boy standing in front of him, with a shy smile on his face and watery eyes. 

And when he had finally detached his legs from around Calum’s waist and lifted his head from the crook of his neck, Michael had laughed along with his family, yelling at them half-heartedly when they had told him how they had kept Calum’s return a secret upon the younger boy’s request. Michael didn’t have the heart to be mad at Calum then, because the boy’s next actions had made him clasp his hands over his mouth so fast that he had hurt his lip a little bit. 

Calum had dropped to one knee and pulled a small black box out of his back pocket. He had held Michael’s gaze as he opened the box and revealed a dazzling ring, smiling wide as he watched Michael take a small step backwards in shock.

And when Calum had spoken those four little words, asking him one simple question, Michael couldn’t even answer with words of his own, he could only nod a thousand times and pull his fiancé up into a deep kiss in front of all of their guests.

And then Calum was needed again, called upon to serve his country, and he and Michael went through the same routine of saying their goodbyes, Michael placing the locket around Calum’s neck, only now it held a picture of them on their wedding day instead. 

***

It never did get any easier. Michael still felt like his lungs were collapsing and his world was falling to pieces around him every time he watched Calum leave. But Calum had come back to him twice more in the years following their marriage, both times placing the locket back into Michael’s palm and curling his fingers over it with their foreheads pressed together, putting a temporary end to Michael’s worrying. After years of hardship, it still never became any easier, but they both simply learned better ways to deal with it, and their love never faltered for even a second. 

Out of every new aspect of their relationship that Michael had been forced to adapt to, the most shocking (and most ironic) of all, was the intense periods of happiness that broke through the difficult times. He remembers watching his husband stand on stage while colorful medals were pinned to his chest and how his cheeks had hurt from how hard he had smiled that day, but also that he had never been more proud of his husband. 

Three years later, Michael had stood in the airport once again, holding their little boy in his arms. He had let his hand linger on Calum’s cheek after the younger man had ducked his head for Michael to place the locket around his neck.

“Open it,” Michael smiled at him. 

Calum gave him a curious little smile and quickly set to work on the tiny clasp, gasping when he had opened it. Where there had previously been a picture of Michael and Calum on their wedding day, there now sat a picture of the two of them holding their son when he had been only a few months old. Underneath the two names that had been engraved nearly a decade ago, a new name was written in the same tiny cursive font. 

“You added …” Calum began to say but stopped when he felt a lump in his throat, Michael smiling and nodding at him. 

Calum had surged forward then and pressed his lips hard to Michael’s, pulling back and pressing a kiss to the top of his son’s head afterwards.

“You know the drill. I want this locket back. You come back to me, alright,” Michael breathed out shakily as Calum gripped the back of his neck and pressed their foreheads together.

“Always.”

And as Calum had walked away, the little boy in Michael’s arms had peered up at him with wide innocent eyes. 

“Daddy’s going to fight the dragon and save the princess, right?”

Michael had held his baby closer, hiding the tears in his eyes and trying not to let them fall into his son’s hair.

“Yes, baby, he is.”

And months later, Michael had gotten the locket back, just like always, only this time, it fell out of a package he had opened in the mail instead of being placed into his hand by his husband. 

And Calum had come back to him just like he always promised, but this time, he had come back to him in a wooden box with a flag draped over it.

**Author's Note:**

> Tell me what you think :)
> 
> Come say hi to me on [tumblr](http://lilacpages.tumblr.com) if ya want


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